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I ONLY CARE ABOUT what SHE would say.

by | Color, Self-Magic

some of my writing here is OLD. Like this piece. But I love it, because it reminds me of the journey 🙂

I am fearful of her.

I really am. I should not be though, as I should have great love for her, as she does for me. Or at least this is the way it should be, and this is a rare case where “shoulds” are acceptable.

In some good years from now, She, is me. My future-old self. As old as possible. As old as I’ll be on my last day alive. And there is no morbid-drama-rama here.
I started thinking about her lately. She has miraculously replaced my grandmother, my mother, my mother in law, my aunts, my teachers, my friends, my neighbors and who not, regarding all things “what would they think? what would they say?”.

Now, I only care what SHE would think. What SHE would say.

I know she would not be particularly concerned if I wore un ironed shirts. I also don’t think she would be minded about my manners too much or about the finesse of my haircut. I could quite easily please her in these areas.

I am afraid of her other requests.

Did I risk enough? Did I follow my bliss? Did I travel enough? Did I listen to my inner rhythm? Did I create my own advice? Did I also follow it? Is my “regrets” list too long? Did I meet love and joy and ecstasy in the eye? Did I Live like I am capable?

She became old while thinking what I am thinking, seeing what I see. She knows me. She is me.

I want to please her. Badly.

Our evolving culture teaches us to be in the here and now. So why am I looking into the future? And she into the past? The distance in time creates a new view point.

I can tell moments through out the day where I would get a nice friendly nod of approval, or other times a stiff gaze focused anywhere but not on me, ignoring me. Or a really harsh, direct look, the kind that makes your bones freeze. That’s the kind of treatment I get. I don’t get snuggly hugs and moist kisses from HER.

 

And when I get thoughts like that, I know that THIS is her message to me. To be open and get ready for these smooches, damn it!

 

(I think I **just** got half a smile and a warmish tiny nod. Good enough for me!!)

 

Do you have someone you want to please so badly? Is she a friend of my HER?
When did she appear for you? What do you talk about? Is she important to you?
Tell me….

 

Want your HER’s approval? Live and create fully. Bring out your magic. See it. Show it.
She shall not complain then, ever.

 

 

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